Why surrogacy- Part Two

I don't usually do online quizzes or things like that, but it was a quiet nap time and I was intrigued so I took one and thought the results were pretty spot on...
"You are a very emotional, caring and dedicated person.  You believe that there is a bigger picture in life, one that we can't really see, but we can feel.  You re very compassionate, strong minded, and devoted to your beliefs.  Although you tend to get melancholic, your ability to empathize for others is a true gift and you possess a sort of kindness that is rare"
Ok, so maybe I see myself as more sunshine than melancholy, but the overall point is there.  I believe in the bigger picture, the grander scheme of things.  I believe that this world needs more kindness and love, the kind that starts with family.
My heart is overflowing with love for the two small beings who I am lucky enough to call mine.  I can't imagine my world without them.  After we had our second, we knew our family was complete, but I didn't feel like I was "done".  Around that same time, I reconnected with a college friend who was herself a surrogate and works for a surrogacy agency.  One conversation with her and I was convinced that this was for me. It took a few more conversations to get my husband on board.  He was concerned about health risks, something going wrong and having to raise our children alone.  (He sees the big picture a little differently than I do sometimes.)  By the time we actually met with the surrogacy agency, we had discussed the details enough that we were both equally excited to begin.
This is our chance to be part of the bigger picture, to spread a little more love into the world.  My husband and I teach our children to do good for others, to give selflessly and we see this as a way to show them what we mean.  We love our children fiercely and fully and empathize with those that would do the same if they had the chance.  My heart aches for those that yearn for a family but are unable to do it on their own.  If you have the chance to speak with someone who has used a surrogate, watch the way their eyes light up when they talk about their child/children.  The road they have traveled to get to that point is so long and uncertain, and there is nothing but joy and thankfulness in their hearts.

Medications-Phase One

Monday I officially start medications.  I will begin with an injection of a drug called Lupron.  Its a small injection in the fatty tissue of my stomach, so it should be relatively painless.  In order to regulate and balance out my hormones, as well as prepare my body for the embryo implantation, we first have to suppress my body's natural instincts.  Essentially, Lupron forces my body into a pseudo- menopausal state.  It will thin out the lining of my uterus and prepare it for the next stage, which will add hormones back in to thicken the lining and make it sticky.  I can look forward to all the joys of menopausal discomfort, including but not limited to headaches and insomnia.  Sounds like a perfect time to get a few extra books at the library to keep my mind busy when I can't sleep!  
I have had a few people ask whether I am nervous or excited, and truth be told, I'm both.  I'm a little nervous about the side effects, worried about a hormonal imbalance, afraid I might turn into a raging lunatic!  More importantly though, I am excited for this to finally begin.  It was less than six months ago that I was filling out the initial surrogacy application, but it feels like so much time has passed.  Each day I grow more excited about the possibility of seeing this through to the end, seeing a family hold their child for the first time, to see the love in their eyes and to see a family complete.  This hope  far outweighs any nervous thoughts I may have at the moment and I look forward to the beginning.

Why surrogacy Part One (Making MY family)

I have wanted to be a mother for most of my life, from the time I was about eight.  I have this memory of holding my cousin, stroking her tiny little fingers, amazed at her translucent eye lids.  The way her small chest rose and fell as she slept peacefully in my arms.  Something awoke in me that day, a yearning to have a family of my own.
After about a year of marriage, my husband and I decided to start "trying" for a baby.  He was gone quite a bit for work and as you know, timing is everything.  Each month, in the days before my period, I would cling to the hope that it wasn't coming.  I would imagine instead, the pure joy of knowing this was the month, the month when I would start to become a mother.  Seven or eight months passed this way; the hope and then the agony of knowing I wasn't pregnant.   Many of those months ended in tears.
That winter, my husband took a long trip to Hawaii.  I was working at a bank in a small Alaskan town at the time.  After more than a month out to sea, his boat appeared on the horizon, and my boss sent me home early to greet him.  It seems our timing was finally right and within a month, we were expecting Baby Number 1.
My pregnancy was easy.  Other than some nasty morning sickness in the beginning and some heartburn at the end, I felt nothing but happiness and love for the child growing inside of me.  Labor was the craziest, hardest, and most rewarding experience.  After thirteen long hours at the hospital, my son was born.  I was in a daze the first time they placed him on my chest, exhausted and emotionally drained.  After the nurses cleaned him up and gave him to me a second time, a wave of calm washed over me.  I counted his ten perfect fingers, kissed his tiny nose and watched as his chest rose and fell.  Everything was right in the world.
Within the first year, we moved back to the lower forty-eight and began to adjust to life outside of Alaska.  We were overwhelmed with the hustle and bustle of city life, the traffic jams and the forty-plus hour work-weeks we fell into.  We were happy with our little boy and felt that it wasn't the right time to bring a second child into the world.
We moved again three years later.  I found a job that I loved, one where I was appreciated and one that didn't stress me out daily.  It felt like the right atmosphere in which to be pregnant again, so we started "trying".  I had my IUD removed in late November, and by April I was pregnant.  Again, other than morning sickness (this time a bit more intense), my pregnancy was easy.   Labor was much easier too.  I was at the hospital for less than four hours before my daughter was born.  When the nurse handed her to me for the first time, I wasn't drained, but wide awake and hungry to see her, to smell her fuzzy head and kiss her tiny nose.  Looking down at her, I was overjoyed.  Later that evening, when it was time for our son to visit, he climbed into my hospital bed, and held his sister gently. With my husband next to me and both kids in my arms, I knew this one thing with certainty- our family was complete.
Fast forward two years.  We've moved again.  (Thats military life!)  We have an eight year old and a two year old.  Six years apart and those two are still peas in a pod.  No one can make them laugh like the other can.
Parenting isn't easy.  Its an uphill battle, and some days, we feel like we're rolling backward in the wrong direction.  But let me tell you, on the good days, the ones without toddler tantrums, hunger induced bad attitudes or messes that never seem to disappear, it is the best job in the world.  When your children crawl in your lap, grab you by the cheeks, plant a big sloppy kiss on your lips, and whisper "I love you", its enough to make your heart explode.